My lecturer said, "You have to raise your sensibility." which means releasing all the emotions you feel, do not ever suppressing it. That s what i do. Whenever i feel sick, pain, getting hurt because of somebody, what i do us supressing the emotions, turn it to a logical explanations. Great. Now i have to throw away what i ve been training all these years? or i can balance it instead?
Being sensible means trying sth new. Feeling it. Don't be afraid to go beyond. The limit is on my parents. Even I ever wrote about myself being imprisoned by those disallowance. My parents just cant understand, especially my mom. She can't just understand at all, and keep thinking that she is the one who s right. But i know both my parents are supporting me. They want the best for me. They just dont understand yet.
It doesnt work in music major, That kind of teaching by my parents. I have to struggle. I have to keep some secret for myself, that i hope eventually will make my parents proud.
What to do to keep improving, my lecturer gave me one week challenge that i ve missed half of it because I went to my hometown for a wedding, i have to spend 1 hour sitting and try to write something. A music. Its for self discipline and sensibility of feeling something on myself. After that I have to spend another 1 hour doing whatever i want. That is for freeing myself but i have to choose only one task to do in that 1 hour. Next week he ll be teaching me Vipisana, to increase the sensibility by feeling every detail if i ve improved on my composition making.
This challenge i have to be able to do it. Suppressing the laziness is another challenge for me.
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